I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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