I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
