dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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