It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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