textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
