I want to walk on stilts...naked
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you made out with another girl for some wings
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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