1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
