I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
