So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize