Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
