it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
