I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
