I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
