I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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