Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
