I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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