Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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