We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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