sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
