so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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