if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
