Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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