It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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