Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize