His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
