Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i now understand why vodka
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize