I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
