sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
