The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
