Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize