Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
