he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
