My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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