i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
