Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
