shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
