just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
