she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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