He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
