i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
