The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
