I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
