I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
