I wish I could punch you in the face.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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