I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
