Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
