we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
