I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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