if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
