I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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