We're like a lot better than the average bears
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
