Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
