The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
