Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
