there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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