I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this boner is exhausting
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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