I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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