Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
