After last night, I could never be a politician.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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